Wherever You Go, I WILL Find You!

I knew I was in trouble.

The letter came not once, not twice, but several times before they gave up.

I was suspended.

Or rather, my privileges were.

"The nerve of that library!" I thought. Well, at first. Then I conceded that they had every right to demand the return of their books.

It was just that it was so embarrassing. They should have been returned in April of 2008. I was sure I had returned one of them. The other one, a small children's book, was hiding from me. I knew it was plotting against me. By October, I snuck into the library like a fugitive. That book that I KNEW I returned wasn't on the shelf. I was sure it was hiding on me. Nope.

So, I slunk up to the front desk where a nice young man was sympathetic to my plight. He insisted on trying to look for both books, even the evil children's book that was stuck somewhere at home. I wasn't surprised when the result was not to my advantage.

"Let's renew them to give you a few more weeks to find them." He did so quietly, under the radar of any of the...ahem...more elderly lady librarians around. Such a nice guy, I hated to disappoint him.

In the next few months the children's book turned up. When I straightened up my living room shelf, there it was--lying face up underneath a row of books. How it managed to slither under there, I will never know. It was punished by being returned to the library. The title, "Let's Go, Dear Dragon!" was oh, so fitting! Go, it did. Right down the mouth of the return slot.

The months have passed since then. I nearly gave up hope of ever finding that other darn book that has been lost for nearly a year. I was going to give in and pay for it until I realized something. I discovered that I really do want an organized home, and I'm going to do what it takes to get one. It's going to be a long journey. I started four weeks ago, and I haven't gotten that far--so I think, until I remember where it was four weeks ago. Now our main living area upstairs wouldn't be condemed unfit for habitation, it's just kind of messy. Except for our bedroom. That room is still a disaster, but I've already started on it.

Our bedroom is the last place I saw that book. I did clean it thoroughly once during that time and never found it. I think it grew legs and walked away. It's hiding, probably in some box of random junk that got thrown somewhere out of the way, probably in the basement. I know it's mocking me, giggling to itself with unabashed glee, spinning around with arms flung in wild abandon. How can I be so sure?

The title is "Organization for Dummies".

Yes, you read that correctly.

I may be hanging my head in shame, but I'm not going to pay for that book just yet. I know they won't arrest me for it because it was gone for six months and they didn't put out a warrant. They called me when it was three books that were overdue, but not for one.

Two more months, is that too much to ask? I'm giving it two months before I give up and pay for it. I feel so guilty. I love books! I used to volunteer in a library, for goodness sake! I want to run to the library, plunge my nose into the stacks and take deep breaths of booky goodness, roll around on the carpet between shelves in ecstasy while clutching longed-for James Dashner (um--his BOOKS, get your mind out of the gutter!) and load up my giant library bag like a maniac! It makes me so sad. Oh, the shame!

I used to get upset at the kids for losing library materials. I can't now or I'd be a hypocrite. Once this is resolved we'll go to the library again. There will be no deep, dark place for books to hide. If one is lost I'll merely have to check under the couch cushions or under a bed. I can't wait until that day.

I see a future Saturday morning in the springtime. Children scattered around the house reading, lounging in the cool breezes flowing through billowing curtains. Gleaming floors, sweet-smelling couches, unwrinkled beds. I'm in my room, smiling at the quiet and either reading or writing a book. There is no dust, only the smell of the crockpot meal I started for dinner and the knowledge that laundry is washing downstairs. Perhaps later that day we'll take a trip to the library, borrow a movie for nothing and have some fun family time. Ahh, sounds delightful!

Book, if you are reading this, I have only one thing to say:

I'm coming for you. No basket will be unturned, no surface left undisturbed. Eventually, if you are still in this house, I will find you! Be afraid, be very afraid!

So continues the great declutterizaton!